Boys to Men

As I re-read “Wild at Heart Expanded Edition” by John Eldredge, I felt prompted to reflect upon not only the maturing of my own heart from boyhood to manhood, but the overall health of today’s masculinity. Over the past 40 years, much of the male specie has been brainwashed to believe the lies of the enemy spoken through the media, the education system, bitter people, and sometimes within their own homes.  The erroneous, anti-male portrayals have been so unceasingly prevalent over the years that men are buying into the falsehood they are too aggressive, domineering, insensitive, and oversexed. In order to counter and constrain their “toxic masculinity”, society has demanded they become more like---well---women.  We now have a whole generation of men who are failing to guard their hearts; the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).  This emasculation of men is also the emasculation of God, for men are made in the image of His manly attributes.  Attempting to change man’s masculine character denies the truth of who God and His creation are. 

Instilled deep within the DNA of man’s soul are the masculine desires to be leaders, conquerors, providers, protectors, builders, explorers, and inventors, but if a man allows himself to be pushed into submission, he will live as something less than these worthy traits.  The more he is trapped in an unnatural identity the more likely unhealthy feelings will rise up in the form of fear, anger, unworthiness, depression or an attitude of indifference.  Then, when he realizes he does not have the freedom to fulfill his inherent God-given calling, he will rebel out of frustration possibly with verbal or physical violence or he will isolate and seek behaviors that falsely make him feel like a man, such as excessive work, sports, alcohol, drugs, pornography, or an affair.  But, an interesting paradigm shift is now taking place as women are beginning to ask, “Where have all the strong, courageous men gone---the real men?”  This also presents great perplexity in boys and men, because they in-turn are asking, ”Who am I expected to be; Mr. Rogers or  courageous, like a World War II hero?

Buried inside every man is the heart of a boy having a spirit that is competitive, curious, exploratory, adventurous, and risk-taking.  I vaguely remember my first adventure at the age of 3 years old, when I chased butterflies from our backyard into an unfamiliar neighborhood.  Thankfully, the mailman knew where I lived and escorted me back home.  Although I was lost, I remember it as a glorious day of adventure.  As I entered the grade school era, I looked forward to the exciting adventures in the outdoors catching snakes, toads, frogs, spiders and other creepy things.  I loved spending hours at the nearby creek trapping crawdads or scooping up tadpoles, putting them into a big tub of water, then watching them transform into frogs.  It was seeing how many honeybees or lightening bugs I could cram in a jar then leaving it on the overnight stand next to my bed admiring my bounty.  

The heart of a boy is taking risks on his bike knowing in advance crashing is a rite of passage.  It is overcoming fear by climbing a massive tree to see how high one can go without panicking and it had to be higher than your friends or playing “King of the Hill” to determine who is the strongest and baddest of all. 

It is learning to handle the unexpected like a “man.”  Minutes after a cornfield burned to a crisp, we were digging up mice from underground burrows and capturing them in a cigar box when one scurried up inside my pantleg past my knee.  Heaven-forbid if my friends would have heard me scream like a girl, so in a relatively calm state I did a jig until it rolled out onto the ground.  I proved to be a man that day.  And, of course, every boy is called to build forts in the woods and defend against imaginary enemies with sticks and rocks that represent swords, guns and hand grenades.  On more than one occasion, our adventurous boy hearts would explore the large sewer ducts that would catch the overflow of rain and dump into the nearby creek.  On dry days, equipped with candles or flashlights we would slowly crawl on hands and knees inside the dark, damp tunnels up to the drains in the streets on which we lived. 

This was a test of courage in a black, confined space while trying our best to freak one another out with reminders of the dangers of snakes, spiders, and wood ticks. 

Then, there were the transition years from elementary school age to teenager.  It was a time of playing football or basketball or baseball with your buddies imagining yourself as the heroic player who scores the winning touchdown, the last second basket, or hits a walk-off home run to win the game.  Or, how about the inspiring sights, sounds, and smells helping on a ranch with the cows, horses, fencing, baling hay, and taking part in my first branding or seeing my first calf or foal born.  And, it is taking another step into manhood when I sat high atop a horse for my first solo ride.  Each of the experiences are relatively small events and insignificant individually, but added together “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”  And, these examples do not include the riskier, not-so-smart things I did that has made me wonder how I am still alive today and all in one piece.

Even at my age I am encouraged by God’s Word as I strive to become the man God intended me to be, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”  (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)  My faith is in Him, because I know what kind of man I am called to be; I know who I am in Christ, so my faith is in Him.

Boys are meant to get muddy and grass stained, play roughhouse, and dream of conquering the enemy.  “Young men” with these traits are the ones who grow up to courageously fight for our country, their wives, and children.  Let us allow men to start living the way God created them to be, not according to how the Pharisees of the world say they should be.  Take heed to Paul’s question and statement, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  (Galatians 1:10)  There is still an adventurous boy trapped within the ordinary man who is desiring to strap on the armor of God in order to start leading his family, workplace, church, and community.  The battle cry of that boy inside you is shouting, Do not be afraid of them!  Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!” (Nehemiah 4:14)

Patrick Ralston

Warrior at Heart Ministry

9/3/23

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. (Jeremiah 17:7).